My Take on New Year Resolutions

It’s that time again; another year has yet again passed us by.

This time of year is all about resolutions, and turning a new leaf.

I’ve never been a big fan of New Year resolutions, you see, I don’t think resolutions should be set because of a date.

I believe they need to come about because you’ve hit a point where you came to the realization something in your life must change.

Maybe because you screwed up big time; maybe you’ve hit rock bottom. Maybe you’ve been called out and realize how true that person is.

So many reasons to turn your life around, but personally, I don’t think a date should be one of them.

No Rush

It’s been a trend in my family to marry young. Not because we’re strangely religious or conservative, but because they knew what they wanted; kudos to them. All of my siblings, their spouses, and my parents tied the knot by 21, the youngest being 18. When you know, you know; or so I’ve heard..

Although sometimes kidding, I think people make assumptions that I’ll follow suit.  Recently I’ve received comments about my love life; or you could say non-existent love life.  Such as: “When are you going to get married?” Somewhat jokingly. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “We like all the in-laws so far, don’t mess it up.”

This frustrates me. Let me just hop in my time machine and let you know when the special day is. What’s it to you if I don’t have a boyfriend? And clearly it’s my duty to make sure that everyone approves.

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Family gatherings can be difficult, I won’t deny it.  Being the only one lacking a significant other can be lonely. Everyone has their partner for games while I tag along with a couple of my choosing.  Everyone having that partner’s shoulder to cry on at our Grandpa’s funeral.

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Let me be clear, I don’t think poorly of those who marry young, whatsoever. Not that it would matter if I did.

What I do have a problem with is people making comments that make an eighteen-year-old woman feel pressured to get a move on; in any way, even if it’s just to have a boyfriend.  As if it’s normal to marry young or it’s weird that I’m still single.

I’ve had the fairy tale misconception in my head since I was young that women are to marry prince charming, have babies, and stay home with those babies, while the strong successful husband provides for wife and said babies.

Of course, I desire that feeling of unconditional love someday. Knowing what it’s like to share my life with someone, faults and all.

BUT I also desire to love myself, become my own person; to have a chance to be independent and make something of myself.

I’ve learned that it’s okay for me to take my dear old time, I mean come on, I’m eighteen. I’ve learned that if I never get married or have kids, there’s a reason. I’ve learned I can be successful on my own, that I can take care of myself. I’ve learned that I don’t need a man to complete me.

The Positives

What do your conversations look like?

I’ve realized my conversations with friends had been revolving around the things that are going poorly.

Most of the problems being petty, on my part and theirs.

I addressed this problem and three of my friends and I have decided to hold each other accountable. At the end of the day, we list off our positives, no matter how little it may have been.

I can’t tell you how much it’s changed my perspective. Of course, the negatives are still in my horizon but they’re continuing to shrink.  I’m learning how to put them into perspective.  Will this problem actually matter in 5, 10, 20 years from now?

Participating in this has taught me that even in the darkest of days there’s beauty surrounding us.

I challenge you to look beyond your struggles, and search for good.  Search for something to reflect positively on.

Since today’s not over here are my positives from yesterday.

-Due to helping someone pay their tab last weekend when their card was being declined I was given a very kind thank you card and a generous tip.

-My boss texted me and said he was impressed.

-I woke up rested, rather than exhausted like I normally do.

-Due to being rested I had enough time to enjoy a cup of coffee.

It doesn’t have to be something extraordinary; it can be as simple getting a haircut, a cup of coffee, or buying gas for $2.86.

What are your positives today? I’d love to hear from you!

Fellow Wonderers

If there’s one thing I struggle with; it’s catching myself wondering, worrying, and speculating what the future holds way too frequently.

What happens after college?

Desiring to know whom my husband is, when I’ll get married or even if I will get married.

Wondering what career I should embark upon.

Will I have money issues?

Am I going find a job out of college?

To all my fellow wonderers, being unsure is terrifying.

However, although frustrating; I’m slowly learning to be patient, to trust in God’s plan for my life, and that being aware and prepared for what the future holds is a good thing, but to appreciate the place I’m at now.

Consequences

I try to claim that life isn’t fair. That what I did/do wasn’t that bad. Denial is key, right?

Unfortunately it’s not. No matter how much we may want denial to work, it won’t. The reality of it is that you did make a mistake. You did make a wrong choice. You did have a lapse in judgement.

Running from the problem isn’t going to help anything. Take responsibility and own up to your mistakes; face the consequences. Everyone makes them.

Learn from them but don’t let your mistakes define you.

Things I Don’t Believe

I don’t believe growing up in church is always good. Sometimes you feel like a robot; wondering if you were just playing the part you were taught all your life or if it was actually sincere. Sometimes it destroys you and your faith.

I don’t believe money can fix all your problems.

I don’t think being popular or liked, at any stage in life is worth straying from your true form.

I don’t believe when people say they’re praying for you they really are. They might be, but it’s such a universal thing to say that even non-religious people say it. It’s something to say to ease the awkwardness. If you actually do it, then kudos to you.

I don’t believe we have any right to judge each other; but that certainly doesn’t stop any of us, me included. “Don’t judge someone because they sin differently.” 

I don’t believe saying sorry fixes things, sometimes it’s just not enough.

I don’t believe revenge is ever good. Although I’ve certainly contemplated it, I know deep down it won’t solve things.

I don’t believe the government should have much control over our personal lives. “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have.” -Thomas Jefferson

I don’t believe treating someone poorly just because we view politics, religion, parenting, etc. differently is ever okay.

I don’t think we have any right to assume we’re better than others by their appearances, we can’t see their hearts.

I don’t think we realize how much people around us are hurting, and how much our words can change someones world. For better or for worse, but hopefully for better.

Busy Busy Bee

Change the oil.

Petsit.

Class.

Homework.

Birthday party.

Petsit again.

Work.

Sleep?

Get headlight fixed.

Study.

Babysit.

Work again.

Eat?

Workout.

Class again.

More homework.

Work.

Social life?

I’ve discovered my days have recently been filled to the brim, especially this past week or two.

Trying to keep up with all of it has been overwhelming, but also nice to be busy. To have a purpose.

However, I do miss my alone time. My blogging. My long showers. Reading. Binge watching a t.v. series.

When the days, weeks, or months get crazy busy what do you do to make room for alone time?  Or possibly time with your friends?

I’m looking forward to a more laid back week coming up, and ending it with a trip to the family cabin! 🙂