The Unwritten Life

(Poem I wrote for college writing)

Austin
Picturing you,
freckles lightly scattered across your face, like Stephanie.
Squinty blue eyes, like Cory;
and strawberry blonde hair
cascading across your large forehead, like Caleb.
Unfortunately,
you will forever be a mental image,
solely existing in my mind, never escaping.

I imagine,
griping over sharing a car,
ungrateful brats, unaware of our numerous blessings.
Lounging in the homey living room,
stressing over
homework,
college apps,
our future.
Talking about our
worries,
fears,
and failures,
confiding in each other-
best friends to no end.
Through it all, depending on you to get me through my worst nightmares.
Sadly,
you’re only alive in my vast imagination.

I wonder,
how different my life would be
if I had my partner in crime
fighting this cruel world beside me.

I could spend an eternity pondering “if only land,”
imagining what life would have been like with my other half-
my twin, Austin.
But I shan’t dwell too long,
it won’t bring him back.
It won’t make life fair
or help me understand why I lived
and he died.

So instead of mulling,
I must move on.
Remembering everything happens for a reason,
a reason for my parent’s loss,
and a reason for my life.

Embrace It

Another poem I wrote for English class.

Everywhere we look,

scrutiny stares us in the face,

seeking flaws with glaring cat eyes.

We can’t run like Jonah-

no matter our olympic speed,

someone’s always faster.

I can’t cower under my blankets like a child,

hiding from this monster.

It will find me at my lowest:

vulnerable and scared,

like that child on their first day of school.

Don’t run,

Don’t hide,

Embrace it.

We all do it-

judge that is.

Spitefully spewing lies;

gossipy girls,

“The look” given in passing.

Deliberately or not,

Subconscious or purposeful,

it’s in our nature.

However  we’re told to “Judge not, that you be not judged.”

so why do we?

Human fault-

unavoidable as sinners.

No matter how many times attempted

we fall short daily,

imperfect vermin of this world.

Instead of being destroyed by it,

deal with it;

don’t conform but be transformed.

Judgement should not define us,

scrutiny should not hurt us,

it should strengthen us.

Who Cares

A poem I wrote for my English class

Everywhere I look, they’re there.

Lurking around every corner,

waiting to define your life.

Cheerleader,

nerd,

druggie,

goody-two-shoes,

whore;

categorizing those we barely know.

I navigated through crowded halls, an innocent freshman,

caring how I was labeled and perceived by fellow students.

Fretting over what was said about the new girl-

Me.

Now a senior,

I  trudge through restricting hallways,

watching freshmen show off, flirt, and essentially… care.

How things have changed in four, short yet long, high school years.

Who cares, I think, as I slip on sweats for the third day in a row; comfort wins.

Who cares, I think, as I drive my out-of-style car into the busy student lot.

Who cares, I think, that not everyone knows my name the ones who do, count.

Who cares, I think, the newest iPhone isn’t  in my back pocket hugging my butt.

Who cares, I think, that I’m not top of my class, someone has to take that below average seat;

without me, my peers wouldn’t be the the top of anything.

Our world,

Our town,

Our friends,

Our family.

Our schools-

all label.

It’s up to me to decide if I care, and guess what.

I don’t.